Fears.

I'm scared.

and I KNOW God can handle everything.

and I know God has got me in his hands.

But I am terrified

Of my future and going to college.

Of losing my Grandfather, I feel like I'm watching him just get older and older and I know he could be gone at any second.

Even old fears of being scared of males has resurfaced because of a rediculous situtation.

I feel so lost, and I'm turning to God and I'm crying out to him.
But I still feel like a lonely little kid

with no idea what to do anymore.

Trusting.

So, I was reminded by a very wise man of God (keith winstead) that the best way to get through allll this craziness in my life is to trust God.

You know not just pray but TRUST that he will come through, that he CAN handle anything, (because really he can!) trust that he is the Almighty one who created everything.

and my problems are so much easier if I just give them up to him, let the weight fall off my shoulders and just breathe.

Also I've realized that the happiest moments in my life are when I'm praising God.

My creater who without I would not exsist.

and without the protection I know I must've had as a child,I never would be where I am today.

I am incredibly blessed to have been where I have been and survived through it all.

But I'm doing more than surviving. I want to live completely and fully for God.

Giving all I am to him and his will.

So I'm starting to do that now.

I'm trying really hard to read my bible daily, which is really my biggest struggle even though i like reading so much.

I never feel like I know where I should read.

Trying to figure that out.

But I do need encouragment and lots of prayers.

and Let me know your prayer needs.

Because I'd love to pray for you!

1 AM blogs.

I have this immense desire to just give up on everything.

Just sit in my room in the comfort of my bed and not care about anything anymore.

Nothing seems to be going right.

I just want to be single for a little bit, and content in that.

But I feel pressured to do otherwise.

I want my family to be safe and happy,

not have my grandfather forgetting why he went to the kitchen and struggling just to write a check.

or my mom to disappear of the planet and not keep her promises like usual.

I want college to go well, and have my financial aid worked out.

I want to not leave people i care about behind or be left either.

I want to live my life to the fullest completely in God's will.

and for people to really udnerstand why God is so important to me.

That I don't think its just a joke.

That to serve and honor God is the reason I breathe and live.

The only reason I decided not to give up.

Is because I remembered telling the admissions counselor in Raleigh that I've never been one to give up and I never do. That I do my best in everything and embrace's lifes challenges.

I just wish I had that same optomism and happiness I had then.

Because right now I feel lost, alone and so unsure.

Another Update since I don't keep this updated.

I am still struggling daily to live my life for God's will.

I graduated the LHGH program, but I know I still have a LOT more to learn!

I also have graduated high school and I've had a pretty chill summer

I'm still planning to go to UNCW as soon as I hear back from financial aid.

and I've prayed for God's will in that, if for some reason my financial aid can't go through this semester I'll just be staying in bo county and figuring out what God does want for my life.

I'm not going to let fear of the un known scare me any longer.

and I do need prayer for my job situation cuz its not too good right now.

I don't have much more to update.

But I am going to try to keep this up and do more meaningful blogs every now and then.

:D