I have this immense desire to just give up on everything.
Just sit in my room in the comfort of my bed and not care about anything anymore.
Nothing seems to be going right.
I just want to be single for a little bit, and content in that.
But I feel pressured to do otherwise.
I want my family to be safe and happy,
not have my grandfather forgetting why he went to the kitchen and struggling just to write a check.
or my mom to disappear of the planet and not keep her promises like usual.
I want college to go well, and have my financial aid worked out.
I want to not leave people i care about behind or be left either.
I want to live my life to the fullest completely in God's will.
and for people to really udnerstand why God is so important to me.
That I don't think its just a joke.
That to serve and honor God is the reason I breathe and live.
The only reason I decided not to give up.
Is because I remembered telling the admissions counselor in Raleigh that I've never been one to give up and I never do. That I do my best in everything and embrace's lifes challenges.
I just wish I had that same optomism and happiness I had then.
Because right now I feel lost, alone and so unsure.
1 comment:
Do you know the "footprints in the sand" poem? It's during the hardest times that we grow the most! One cool thing about life and faith is that as we go, we can look behind us and see more and more and more times he's carried us, which gives us more and more and more faith to go through the next time believing He'll do it again!! :) don't forget.... He's GOT this!
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