I am broken. No doubt about that.
I'm scared being at UNCW, I don't really have many close friends here. And I spend the majority of my time alone. Well alone in the sense of people. I know God is always here for me. But Its definitely been hard being here. Especially because of all thats going on. My mom isn't here for me, and is continuously making poor choices. My brother who was always my hero, isn't being the person I know he is. Its scary to be in this place I'm not comfortable in and have so much going wrong.
I know and have been told many times recently God is here for me.
I know God can handle all my hurts and pains, but its difficult to hand it over.
I have become a part of a group of 6 prayer warriors.
The other 5 people are some of the closest people to me in my life right now:
My youth pastor of 4 and a half years and father figure Matt Bohr
My best friend of only about 10 months, but one of the greatest girls I've ever known, Hope Lewis
My boyfriend of about 2 months, and absolute best friend for over a year now, Jeffrey Winstead
One of the greatest singers I have ever heard, and an amazing friend and show choir dance partner, Devon Brown.
And The most protective, practically my big brother, friend I have, Mitch Tirado.
These five people are amazing, they're powerful pray-ers, have amazing faith, and their love for God is astounding.
They're so encouraging and strong and I don't know why God chose me to be the 6th person in the group because I do not feel worthy. I am so weak spiritually, emotionally and physically. I can barely get out of bed most days, I cry at the smallest things, I do not read my bible nearly as much as I should, and I always seem to just pray when I need something. I know, its being human we fall but it affects me so much.
I'm doing my best to just give it to God, but I'm struggling and I'm tired of crying so much and I'm just broken. I don't know what to do about any of it.
I know God has a plan for me and for all this. and in my human impatience, I wish I knew what that plan was, or just what my next step is.
