RE:Cillian from PSC

She wrote: "To everyone out there, I have a message: NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK, no matter how it seems, someone out there (not necessarily a friend, or even someone you know that well) thinks that you are beautiful. Or that you are nice, or cool. However you want to put it. Even when times are rough, and seem like they'll never get better, you have to know that they will. I know this sounds cheesy, but the night is always darkest before the dawn. Everything will get better. I know from personal experience :] You can get over those roadblocks. Yes you. And you. Just keep moving, because someone, or someoneS, thinks that you are worth living. There is someone who would be heartbroken if you stopped coming to work, school, that coffee shop that you like... So stop cutting. Stop taking drugs. Stop doing whatever is hurting you, because someone cares. You just have to find them. And remember, they may not be the person that you expect."


Now I've never really done anything self destructive, like drugs or cutting or having an eating disorder.
But I think I sometimes I feel things too much.
idk.
I've been told I'm a passionate person
and I like to put all I am into whatever I do.
Be it making someone smile, being angry, or loving some one.
I just think sometimes I put TOO much emotion and maybe too much heart into some of the actions I take.
I don't do things lightly.
I eat big, talk big, and dream big.
I'm also kinda selfish sometimes with my emotions.
and stubborn.
and I guess I'm just human.
But sometimes feeling so much can make me really sad.
Like all the emotions just build up and I feel like crying.
But then I read words like Cillian's, or talk to someone, or just let a few tears fall.
and I'm okay again.
But maybe I'm NOT really okay at all?
Or maybe along with feeling too much, I'm THINKING too much and should just shut up and sleep.
:/

hickory dickory dock. the mouse ran up the clock.

I haven't posted in a while.
and I still wish I could write something amazing.
But the words don't come.
I'm just waiting to go to work.
So I can seat and get drinsk for annoying stuck up people.
I need to find my shoes.

Growing.

I don't think i'm growing up.
But growing out.
Like you grow out of your old clothes and such.
The one thing my life seemed to revolve around for a few months turned out to be a lot of lies.
And last night talking to Ari I definently realized my mistakes.
But I don't think I would trade those months for anything.
I learned so much through that time.
How to love and how not too.
And coming out of that I learned who really cares.
So I may not be growing up, I think in some aspects I'm too mature already.
But I'm definently growing out of being a naive person.
And Once again another lesson showing me not to give my heart.
To people who won't take care of it.

Funny

It used to be. Just me and you.
Best friends for EVER.
We were ALWAYS together and we had SO MUCH FUN.
Yeah we argued but it was silly stuff that was done with in seconds.
We went through the awkward phases together.
Had silly crushes made some crazy mistakes.
But you were always there.
Everytime I cried or hurt.
You were there to make it better and make me smile.
And I was there for you.
Now you hardly talk to me.
Put your other friends ahead of me.
And I wish I could hate you.
When I think of how we used to be.
I almost cry, but I don't think you'd be there.
When the tears fell.


Its funny...
How times change.

For you.

I've moved on.