RE:Cillian from PSC

She wrote: "To everyone out there, I have a message: NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK, no matter how it seems, someone out there (not necessarily a friend, or even someone you know that well) thinks that you are beautiful. Or that you are nice, or cool. However you want to put it. Even when times are rough, and seem like they'll never get better, you have to know that they will. I know this sounds cheesy, but the night is always darkest before the dawn. Everything will get better. I know from personal experience :] You can get over those roadblocks. Yes you. And you. Just keep moving, because someone, or someoneS, thinks that you are worth living. There is someone who would be heartbroken if you stopped coming to work, school, that coffee shop that you like... So stop cutting. Stop taking drugs. Stop doing whatever is hurting you, because someone cares. You just have to find them. And remember, they may not be the person that you expect."


Now I've never really done anything self destructive, like drugs or cutting or having an eating disorder.
But I think I sometimes I feel things too much.
idk.
I've been told I'm a passionate person
and I like to put all I am into whatever I do.
Be it making someone smile, being angry, or loving some one.
I just think sometimes I put TOO much emotion and maybe too much heart into some of the actions I take.
I don't do things lightly.
I eat big, talk big, and dream big.
I'm also kinda selfish sometimes with my emotions.
and stubborn.
and I guess I'm just human.
But sometimes feeling so much can make me really sad.
Like all the emotions just build up and I feel like crying.
But then I read words like Cillian's, or talk to someone, or just let a few tears fall.
and I'm okay again.
But maybe I'm NOT really okay at all?
Or maybe along with feeling too much, I'm THINKING too much and should just shut up and sleep.
:/

hickory dickory dock. the mouse ran up the clock.

I haven't posted in a while.
and I still wish I could write something amazing.
But the words don't come.
I'm just waiting to go to work.
So I can seat and get drinsk for annoying stuck up people.
I need to find my shoes.

Growing.

I don't think i'm growing up.
But growing out.
Like you grow out of your old clothes and such.
The one thing my life seemed to revolve around for a few months turned out to be a lot of lies.
And last night talking to Ari I definently realized my mistakes.
But I don't think I would trade those months for anything.
I learned so much through that time.
How to love and how not too.
And coming out of that I learned who really cares.
So I may not be growing up, I think in some aspects I'm too mature already.
But I'm definently growing out of being a naive person.
And Once again another lesson showing me not to give my heart.
To people who won't take care of it.

Funny

It used to be. Just me and you.
Best friends for EVER.
We were ALWAYS together and we had SO MUCH FUN.
Yeah we argued but it was silly stuff that was done with in seconds.
We went through the awkward phases together.
Had silly crushes made some crazy mistakes.
But you were always there.
Everytime I cried or hurt.
You were there to make it better and make me smile.
And I was there for you.
Now you hardly talk to me.
Put your other friends ahead of me.
And I wish I could hate you.
When I think of how we used to be.
I almost cry, but I don't think you'd be there.
When the tears fell.


Its funny...
How times change.

For you.

I've moved on.

Beauty Vs. Industry

On Post Secret a user suggested we did what a facebook group was doing which in short was

" Tell us what's right with you. Not what the industry gives the royal checkmark, what you like about you, or what you hate about you! Just make sure it is you. All you need is a page and a picture. Tell us what makes you fantastic, and help us start the revolution!"

I made mine.

and some of its hard to read.

But the things say.

1. I love my eyes.

2.I love giving compliments.

3.I don't like my chin or nose.

4.I know my boobs are small but my hips are hella cute.

5.I'm scared of turning out like my mom.

6.I love being skinny even if people don't like me for it.

7.I love Jesus Christ.

8.I have a million dreams.

9.I want to save the world.

10.I have a lot of friends.

11.I love you.

12. I'm a camera whore to the core.(that rhymed hehe)

13. I fall for guys easily. But never the right one.

14.This picture is old but 100% me.

I love it and I loved making it.

I wanted to put more but I didn't have room.

I might make another one sometime.

:D

Key lime pie.

More than anything I've always wished I could write something amazing.

Something inspring and great, that could take your breath away.

I wish to write in such ways that it doesn't seem real.

But I'm not talented with words and I can never make anything come out right.

Sometimes my brain isn't connected to my heart and the words just don't flow.

Writing isn't my talent no matter how much I wish otherwise.

But I do believe I have an amazing talent.

I seem to be really good at making people smile and laugh.

I enjoy giving compliments and meeting new people.

I love making new connections and hopefully one day I can inspire some one by just being kind.

Or making them smile.

ohyeah.

I've just met a girl, named Emily, whose is one of the coolest people I've ever met.

Shes smart, funny, and a super mega talented writer.

Her blog is the first link on my list over there. -->

You should definently checkout her blog.

Shes aweosme.

<3333

MY GRANDMOTHER

My grandmother is the most important person in my life. I grew up in rough homes with my mom's drug use and abusive boyfriends. When I was 9 years old. My mother, brother, and I left my two younger siblings with their dad and moved to my grandma's a few states away. I haven't seen my younger sister or brother in almost 7 years.

When we came here my mom continued drug use and her string of awful boyfriends. It was some of the scariest times of my life. But I never talked about it to my friends, I've always been a cheerful person. My grandma rescued me once again, and my brother and I have been living with her for years now. She is kind, honest, and very giving. Shes my best friend, my hero, my love.

She always always always tells me I'm the sweetest and strongest person she knows. That I'm beautiful, smart, and important. She tells me to be smart, make good choices, and gives me everything I need. On her 67th birthday I wrote 67 reasons why I loved her which brought her to tears. (and still does each time she reads it) She says its the best gift shes ever received.

I owe her my life. Because without her I would surely still be living in the life of a drugged mom and her awful boyfriends. Last night at dinner, she was talking about one of her son's, my uncle, and how as a baby he was always gentle never cried and was a very good kid.

She said that she remembered me, at 3 years old being kind and gentle and sweet and that she and my grandfather worries so much that I would grow up a bad kid. But she was so happy that I am still just as kind and gentle. She said that I am the best example of true inner strength she has ever seen and that she was so proud of me for being able to deal with the drug use, and abuse of those who I was raised by, and be a depression free, and truely happy teenager.

I was so close to tears as she said this.

I would truely be nowhere without her.

Happiness.

So Christmas is over and the New Year has arrived. I don't feel much different, a bit sad at times, and I still ache for Brittany and her family.

I didn't make a New Years Resolution, I don't want to set a standard for myself that I'm sure I won't reach. I did decide to focus on Truth this year, seeing the truth in myself and others, and being more trusting of people who matter. I want to be kinder and more at ease with myself. want to help people who are less fourtunate then I am because I am insanely blessed.

I've made a few amazing friends on PSC. Four in particular, Jessika(jessicakes), Megan(spazzybaby), Dan(xbyte), and Run free. I haven't learned her name yet.

All of them are so kind, honest, and supportive. Run free has said the nicest and sweetest tings to me and she totally brightens my day every time she PMs me. Its so amazing how I can be such good friends with people who have never seen me in person or anything like that. I'm definently more at ease when I speak to them, and I can tell them absolutely anything.

Finals are coming up soon, I'm not worried or anything, just being chill.

I got to see Brittney yesterday I missed hanging out with her and I had a great day.

I don't know what else to say. I'm a little tired and I hope whoever is reading this enjoyed it and knows, whoever they are I loved them, and I care.

<3333

Shelby.