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You're my only chance

Jesus Christ of Nazareth You're my only chance. You're my only chance.

If you've read my facebook/twitter anytime in the past like 15 minutes this is my update on both. I just came from a prayer meeting for Revival 2010 and Carly Fink sung those words while we prayed over a friend, Daniel. It was powerful and the words are ringing in my heart. I've been in an idling place recently and I haven't really been doing much to fix it. I've asked for prayer but I didn't receive it. Tonight I'm changing that though, and I am receiving the Grace I so do not deserve.

God, my Father, he is my ONLY chance to survive the world. My doubts, fears, he is the only one who can truly remove them from me, and he does when I ask. So i am asking and BELIEVING and RECEIVING.

And I am praying for this campus, that through Revival 2o1o, and this vision the wonderful Christina Cramer has received from christ, this campus is just turned upside down. and that miracles happen and that UNCW isn't known for being a beach school but a school where the army of the LORD resides and is stomping and making waves.

God is so powerful, and in our human flesh we always doubt but Jesus Christ is our only chance and he is so mighty and so capable.

Broken

I am broken. No doubt about that.

I'm scared being at UNCW, I don't really have many close friends here. And I spend the majority of my time alone. Well alone in the sense of people. I know God is always here for me. But Its definitely been hard being here. Especially because of all thats going on. My mom isn't here for me, and is continuously making poor choices. My brother who was always my hero, isn't being the person I know he is. Its scary to be in this place I'm not comfortable in and have so much going wrong.

I know and have been told many times recently God is here for me.

I know God can handle all my hurts and pains, but its difficult to hand it over.

I have become a part of a group of 6 prayer warriors.

The other 5 people are some of the closest people to me in my life right now:

My youth pastor of 4 and a half years and father figure Matt Bohr

My best friend of only about 10 months, but one of the greatest girls I've ever known, Hope Lewis

My boyfriend of about 2 months, and absolute best friend for over a year now, Jeffrey Winstead

One of the greatest singers I have ever heard, and an amazing friend and show choir dance partner, Devon Brown.

And The most protective, practically my big brother, friend I have, Mitch Tirado.

These five people are amazing, they're powerful pray-ers, have amazing faith, and their love for God is astounding.

They're so encouraging and strong and I don't know why God chose me to be the 6th person in the group because I do not feel worthy. I am so weak spiritually, emotionally and physically. I can barely get out of bed most days, I cry at the smallest things, I do not read my bible nearly as much as I should, and I always seem to just pray when I need something. I know, its being human we fall but it affects me so much.

I'm doing my best to just give it to God, but I'm struggling and I'm tired of crying so much and I'm just broken. I don't know what to do about any of it.

I know God has a plan for me and for all this. and in my human impatience, I wish I knew what that plan was, or just what my next step is.

Newness

So I never keep this updated enough.

But here is an update:

I am now at UNC Wilmington. I have a love-hate relationship with college. I love it because I do have fun and I like living on my own even though its kinda scary sometimes. I don't like a few of my classes, But I'm dealing. I still feel like I don't have any good friends. Back home I have a close knit group of AMAZING friends and I wish I had that at UNCW. I know making friends takes time, but I still wish I could just BOOM magically have great friends.

Life is never that easy I know.

I also have a boyfriend now. Jeffrey, he is a great guy and as most know I liked him for over a year. We have started dating now, and he makes me happy. He is SO funny, he knows me better than most and his faith in God is awesome. he is such and encouragement to me all the time. And is family is great too. I love them all. :)

I still come home every weekend for church because I love it so much. So being home is a nice change of pace from school.

I did join a bible study at UNCW that I love. The girls in it are great and we have a ton of fun.

I don't have much else to update on.

But I will try to update more often.

:D

Fears.

I'm scared.

and I KNOW God can handle everything.

and I know God has got me in his hands.

But I am terrified

Of my future and going to college.

Of losing my Grandfather, I feel like I'm watching him just get older and older and I know he could be gone at any second.

Even old fears of being scared of males has resurfaced because of a rediculous situtation.

I feel so lost, and I'm turning to God and I'm crying out to him.
But I still feel like a lonely little kid

with no idea what to do anymore.